Tears of Farewell
by Take
Summary: shounen ai; When we say good-bye, we will start a new chapter of our lives...but always together.


*Standard disclaimers*  
  
**Shonen ai*  
  
*Song by X-Japan  
  
Tears of Farewell: The Last Song  
  
Take (March 1999)  
  
--lyrics courtesy of Cricket  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Watching the stars till they're gone  
  
Like an actor all alone  
  
Who never knew the story ends  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Kurama:  
  
The stars are beautiful tonight. They twinkle and flash in the heavens, a perfect foil to their dark backdrop…like me and my lover. There are some things in the universe that are eternal; these are two.  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Like the sky reflecting my heart  
  
~~~~~~  
  
I smile slightly, feeling the slight breeze rustle my hair, more silver than red, now. Written in the stars…Hiei would just snort and roll his eyes; he'd say something about me being a silly romantic. Then again, maybe he wouldn't; years at my side have changed him, and me.  
  
~~~~~~  
  
All the colors become visible  
  
When the morning begins  
  
I'll read the last line  
  
~~~~~~  
  
I'm tired from my walk here; this aged mortal body isn't as spry as it used to be. As I rest on the bench, a sad thought comes; this will be my last sunrise as a human…  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Owaranai ame dakishimeta yoru ga asa o mukaeru  
  
Kokoro wa mada nureta mama  
  
~~~~~~  
  
It rained earlier, and everything smells fresh; a fitting scenario for the night to welcome the morning. It lightens my heart just to see the raindrops on the blades of grass.  
  
~~~~~~  
  
In an endless rain I've been walking  
  
Like a poet feeling pain  
  
Trying to find the answers  
  
Trying to find the tears  
  
~~~~~~  
  
I've had a lifetime with Hiei; our joys and our sorrows - we faced them all, together. It hasn't been easy, true. Hiei still has his duties as Mukuro's heir, and I have to deal with the fact that my body can't keep up with my mind anymore.  
  
People outside our small circle of friends often wonder what Hiei is to me; a young man caring for an elder, perhaps? I highly doubt that they would understand if they knew the truth. I couldn't blame them; I gave up trying to answer that question long ago. The closest I can come to describing what Hiei is to me is this; everything. Even then that's not enough.  
  
As I think about my beautiful lover, I'm caught up in a wave of nostalgia. Who can blame me?  
  
~~~~~~  
  
But it was just a circle  
  
That never ends  
  
When the rain stops, I'll turn the page  
  
The page of the first chapter  
  
~~~~~~  
  
I feel a bit silly, getting mushy like this, but I can't help it. I'm saying goodbye to a wonderful chapter of my life, and starting another. And always, Hiei will be with me.  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Kizutsuku dake kizutsuite wakkata hazu no kotae o  
  
Doushite mada dou ikaketeru  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Speaking of Hiei…he probably knows what's going to happen. I didn't tell him; trying to explain would only hurt him. He understands that I'll reincarnate as a youko, but it still doesn't make my imminent death any less painful for him. And if there's one thing in the world I can't stand, it's hurting Hiei.  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Am I wrong to be hurt  
  
Am I wrong to feel pain  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Hiei:  
  
I am…confused. I am losing my lover, and yet I am not. It's not like Kurama's going to be dead and gone forever, just changing forms permanently. I don't understand - why does the thought still pain me? Kurama hasn't pushed the issue, but still, am I wrong to hurt like this?  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Am I wrong to be in the rain  
  
Am I wrong to wish the night won't end  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Kurama suspects that I know what will happen tomorrow; any youkai can see that his body is shutting down. But he hasn't said anything, for which I'm grateful.  
  
When I realized what was going to happen, I had to get away. I spent a good part of the night in the rain, counting down the hours 'til sunrise. I don't want daybreak to come…it means that I'll have to say goodbye.  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Am I wrong to cry  
  
But I know, it's not wrong to sing the last song  
  
'Cause forever fades  
  
~~~~~~  
  
I knew it would come to this eventually; after all, Kurama is part human. He can't help me with this; it's something I have to deal with myself.  
  
My fox once told me that there is no shame in mourning; death is merely another plane of existence - he likened it to the chapters of a book, death being the next chapter.  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Kigatsukeba mata hikari yoru no sora o mitsumeru  
  
Sukoshi zutsu kiete yuku Our memories  
  
Kizutsuku dake kizutsuite wakatta hazu no kotae o  
  
Doushite mada dou ikaketeru  
  
~~~~~~  
  
I stiffen, struck by a sudden epiphany. There is nothing to fear - only time's passing. We have our memories of life in the Ningenkai, but it's time to move on. It's only natural to feel sad and a little afraid; we're starting anew…I understand now. Everything changes. The night sky lightens, as if approving of what I have learned.  
  
With that in mind, I go in search of Kurama.  
  
~~~~~~  
  
I see red  
  
I see blue  
  
But the silver lining gradually takes over  
  
~~~~~~  
  
I find him sitting on a bench in the park, facing the horizon, a serene expression on his face. I drop down to sit on the back of the bench, cradling my lover's body between my legs, stroking his hair, still so long and soft. "I've been an idiot, ne?" I murmur into his hair, pulling him back to rest against me.  
  
"Iya," he replies, tipping his head back to look at me, emerald eyes laughing and alive. "Just a little slow."  
  
"Hn," I snort, brushing bangs away from his face.  
  
~~~~~~  
  
When the morning begins  
  
I'll be in the next chapter  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Kurama:  
  
I sigh and smile contentedly up at my lover. Hiei finally understands…time is nothing - he will not lose me; perhaps the form and the environment will change, but the love will remain the same. Hiei know that, and I can go peacefully now.  
  
I feel my lover's strong arms come up to embrace me, his breath stirring my hair; together, we will watch the sun rise…the start of our new lives together.  
  
~Owari~  
  
  
  
****  
  
Author's Notes:  
  
Oh boy, definitely too much T. S. Elliot… Well, this concludes the 'Tears' series.  
  
April 8, 2002  
  
I've recently toying with the idea of writing one or two more fics to add to this collection. What do you think? And also, does anyone know where I can get a translation of this song? It's X-Japan's "The Last Song". Rather appropriate, ne? Ja na, Take^_^ 


End file.
